Dark past and novel completions connection ........it is all connected

 Let me share a wonderful secret.

As a girl i use to be very innocent and weak not able to stand for myself. I use to be too much softhearted i used to cry every time i got hurt..... wheather someone said something to me.....wheather someone made fun of me......someone bullied me......no matter what my only solution was to cry.

Have heard about the weakest are the primary aim of everyone? Same case was with me. Everyone in school use to target me. At some point I didn't even liked going to school. Like I was so scared.....i used to get home and cry everyday withoutceven telling anyone.

But when I was promoted from 5th to 6th. I started making better friends things become better slowly. I wasn't like before i no longer use to cry openly. Even if I felt like crying I use to cry in secret. I didn't want people to know I am weak. You think it's tragic? I don't think so. When people are just gonna bully the weak then it's better to be known as strong even when you are not. 

But never in my life I expected that I would become like the girl I acted like.

When I started 11th which is also known as junior year of high school I started noticing nothing actually hurts me anymore. Even when I am sad and want to cry tears just won't come. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't know.

But i was pretty much used to living like this. Laugh even in the toughest situations. 

You must be like .....why am I remembering it now?

Because it does have a connection with what I am about to tell

When I started writing my novel, the very first day it was dated 17 October 2024. Almost 7 months ago. My novel like any other was had it's own ups and downs some scenes were extremely funny while other extremely sad. But like I said nothing can actually make me cry so even when I wrote the one of the most emotional scene in which i thought i would cry while writing. Tears didn't come.

But today as I completed my novel there was for the first time after many years a sudden tightness in my chest. I felt like i want to cry though tears didn't come but I really want them to come. It was like saying goodbye to part of my life. I heard even mother's start developing feelings for their babies within 4th to 5th month and i looked at my characters life for 7 months.

Just thinking about the fact I can't see their life anymore is really sad.

My novel was like my baby and the fact of it ending made this strong mother break apart.

I know i can read it again while editing and all but still I can't see my character life anymore. I feel so bad.....

Yeah....the nice part is i finished the manuscript but i am not really happy because now the novel has ended

I was having a heavy heart so i decided to share. 

I am signing off with a heavy heart and gloomy face

Bubye